things will go your way, hold on for one more day

Midterm elections tomorrow.

Most people are predicting the Democrats gaining control of the House (they need at least 15 seats), and some are also optimistic about a gain in the Senate (Dems need at least 6 seats).

That's all well and exciting, but I'm mostly pumped about the fact that after tomorrow, people will begin to announce their intentions to run for the Presidency in 2008.

I read Barack Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father, this past summer, and I was shocked at how honest he was. Granted, he wrote it in 1994, a full 10 years before he was elected to the Senate. However, in subscribing to his podcast recently and almost finishing The Audacity of Hope, his second book, I am fully on the Obama bandwagon. In fact, I feel like I'm driving it because I'm so pumped.

I know he's young... I know he's inexperienced... but he's such a breath of fresh air. He seeing listening to both side as important and champions the art of compromise. Some people are suggesting that doing those things will make him appear weak, but I think the average American (if there is such a thing) won't see it that way. And I in fact, think it's genious. Everyone whose taken an entry-level political science course knows that to win, you must run against the predecessor. By actually taking others' opinions and intelligence into account, and perhaps considering them fully, Barack is not necessarily changing his own positions, but he is respecting the art of a democracy. And he's also posing himself to run as a candidate that is nearly the opposite of what we're used to in the Bush White House.

His father is Kenyan. His mother is from Kansas. He grew up in Hawaii and spent a couple years in India when his mother remarried.

And when I see him speak in campaigning for Democratic candidates, whether live on C-SPAN or on YouTube, when I read what he has written, and when I listen to his podcast... I cry because of the hope that he has for America. I cry because his ideas and policies are thoughtful, and I believe prayerfully considered. I cry because this is a candidate that I could actually be excited about.

I know it's premature... but if he runs and is given a chance by winning the Democratic primaries...

I think it's meant to be that my first semester teaching history may be a turning point in American history, where we first elect a Black president and start to see real, positive change in all of our lives.

leave no doubt, i want the whole world to know just what i'm all about...

Why would you ever be a Christian, because people inevitably lump you into the same category with people like Pat Robertson and Bush?"

This is some paraphrase of an essentially rhetorical question that a kid at TIP scholars weekend threw out there during the class I was TA-ing on the 2006 midterm elections. The students were involved in group discussions on different House races, and the question probably wasn't meant to be heard... at least not to anyone outside of the group.

I hate the fact that those are the only greatly publicized pictures of Christians that a 15 year old kid can come up with when explaining why he's a Deist.

People have a great desire to be loved, to feel love, and to love one another. That can sometimes be hard to see with all of the brokenness and anger around us... While I understand that it's that conviction that makes someone pro-life, it can be that same conviction, interpreted in a different way, that makes calls someone to support stem cell research.

Christianity, and how people interpret it, is extremely complex. Some people do in fact assume certain things to be true when you call yourself a Christian. Unfortunately, one of those things isn't necessarily that you are trying to imitate a the life of Christ, or at least understand his teachings and his call to a greater purpose to love and care for all people.

For all people. For people who aren't so different from yourself. For people whose sins are not unlike my sins and whose struggles are not unlike my struggles. And none of us are deserving of the grace that God extends to us through Christ, but God extends it to all of us, just the same, no matter what we've done. We all need the love and grace of God because we are all of this secular world, not above it in a position to judge the people in it.

Barack Obama discusses the historically black church's impact on his life by describing that it, "rarely had the luxury of separating individual salvation from collective salvation... It understood in an intimate way the biblical call to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and challenge powers and principalities. In the history of these struggles, I was able to see faith as more than just a comfort to the weary or a hedge against death; rather, it was an active, palpable agent in the world."

The emotions of love and personal responsibility to all people can be incredibly powerful, and I don't think that as Christians we've really known how to fully tap into that. I need to be more convicted of that... so that people who have not known God can still feel the effects of God's love.

And perhaps to challenge the perceptions that being a Christian is likened to Pat Robertson

hair blowing in the breeze, yo we superstars

..think analytically about society... question the way things are... consider how things could be different. Such thinking involves an active, not a passive, relationship to the world. It requires confidence that your thoughts are worth persuing and that you can make a difference. And it demands looking beyond how to make do and into how to make "making do" different - how to change the structures that control our lives.
~Charlotte Bunch

That's just a little bit of my reading for my feminism political theory class. I feel that it is going to be fantastic.

I have never thought about the wording of having an active relationship to the world, but I love that phrase. I like to think that I do a decent job of doing that, but now that I have a tangible way to say it, I can encourage myself to have a more active relationship to the world every day. This summer left me a bit paralyzed at times... and for some reason, some days I did not even care to have a relationship with the world around me... much less an active one. I just didn't appreciate where I was and that God put me there for a reason. While I was forced to sit down and examine myself, which ultimately is obviously a good and necessary thing, I hated it as it was going on.

These past few weeks have been crazy, and I have been loving it. I need to figure out how to have an "active relationship" to the world even without that constant movement.

I also need an international experience... immediately. I'm feeling a little more than stagnant having been in Chapel Hill for three full years (summers too yall... seriously). I love this place, but I have to get out of here if I'm going to learn more about myself and my relationships to people and the Lord. And if I'm going to learn more about how to love more fully, every single day.

Megan will flip because of my recent (haha 2 day stretch) blogging consistency.

would you lie with me and just forget the world

All of the responsibility I have on Mondays thus far is a dance class.

That's seriously it... and it is absolutely fabulous. This Monday I have a little bit more going on, just because of papers and such, but still... I'm feeling fabulous.

WOW is over. That rocks my world.


all is well

Don't you know, things will change

Carrie's bachelorette party.

The first time I've actually hung out with my sister while she was drunk. That part was quite entertaining. What was not very fun was her getting upset, me getting pulled by a couple cops on the way back (who ended up being super nice), and realizing that friends will disappoint you at all stages of life.

To make a long story short, her friends mostly didn't make the event very special for her. Basically it seemed more like we were all going out than we were going out specifically to celebrate Carrie.

While I hate that the night ended up being a small disaster as a result of selfishness on the part of some of her friends, it ended up bringing Carrie and I closer together than before. And for that I'm actually thankful. We ended up leaving Saturday night to drive back to Chapel Hill (at 4am... got here around 7am). Carrie and I haven't been alone for that long in a while...

She's getting married. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal, but it's huge! Granted, it will be more huge when she starts to have kids and things... but Carrie and I won't really be alone much ever again. Mom and I really can't just run to Charlotte to spend the night with her... because there will be a boy spending every night with her. In six weeks our lives will change drastically forever. That's craziness!

This whole wedding planning stuff is happening much differently that I anticipated when we were little kids. I'm not able to help out as much because I'm here and my work schedule has been crazy. Plus, since Carrie is pretty casual about all of this... there's not much to plan. I mean, it's on the beach, so there are virtually no decorations... not even many flowers.

I just can't wait to be standing there in the getting-ready room alone with her on that day. I get to stand beside her when she makes one of the biggest moves of her life... and I'm excited.

You don't want to see my tears, so why are you still standing here just watching me drown?

I'm slightly obsessed with The Wreckers right now... hence the title.


I think a lot.

Most of what I will remember about this summer will be what was going on in my head. I've had a lot more time to myself than usual, and as a result I've changed a fair amount. I realized today that that change cannot really be quantified. I can't pin down any exact memorable moment or remember how exactly all of this happened. What I do know is that I'm a different person than I was in May.

I've realized some of the ugly things about myself. I've always thought that loving every person fully is a pretty sure way to fulfilling God's will. That can be exhausting. It can be beautiful. And I definitely have not even attempted to do it with some people this summer. While God's will is very complex, and it cannot necessarily be reduced to just love, love definitely plays a powerful role.

I do a much better job of loving people who are different from me than loving people who are like me. This seems contradictory to what normally happens, but this is how it is with me. I find is so easy to overlook the faults of those who are drastically different from me in any way, whether through their appearance, sexual orientation, age, religion, etc. I have recognized this as a definite gift, and I truly feel alive when I spend my time loving these people fully.

But I have a very hard time attributing that same grace and love to those close to me that are similar to me. I recognize that everyone is extremely unique, and that it's hard to quantify exactly what I mean by people that are "similar" to me... but in my head I know exactly the groups that I am talking about. It's not that I blatantly choose not to love them, because that would go against my entire life philosophy... haha... but this summer I've really realized how much I suck at it. Admitting this is a step in the process of learning how to love these people fully as well, but I haven't been pushing myself past that step.

This summer has been slow, yet it feels really weird that it's almost over. Being essentially single for three months has made this process of self-realization even more inevitable. For that, I am thankful in some ways. I know a lot more about my issues, and what I need to work on (even if I'm not ready to work on them yet). I also know a lot more about the gifts that God has given me, and how to use those more effectively. I've never really seen the value of spending time by myself or specifically alone because I am so energized by people. I've always thought a lot, a whole lot actually, but mostly about others' situations, and how I can be more effective in their lives. This summer I've thought more about myself, and how I can be a more effective person over all. There is great value in spending time doing this, and that is something that I've slowly learned. I still would rather be debriefing about other people and helping others along with their own personal development, but I can no longer ignore the fact that part of my own personal growth has to come from within. I've learned so much during these past few years from other people, and I've had time along the way to internalize it and realize what it means for me. But this summer, instead of being part of an amazing group-journey type of experience, I've had to take more of a path of self-discovery. And it has definitely been interesting.

I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for all of this. I am thankful for all of the people in my life, and this year I want to push myself to express that more fully. This is the last year that I have in this place with these same people... even if I'm here for graduate school... it will never again feel like this. That's a bit scary, very crazy, but it presents me with a timeline... haha... and I work best under pressure. Every day presents me with another amazing chance, and after this summer that was significantly different than what I was use to, I know that I'm more equipped to seize this year's opportunity.

Reno 911!

So I just turned on the TV waiting for The Daily Show to come on, and none other than Reno 911 was on. Now, this was not a show that I was even acquainted with until Vanessa's untwisting party last summer. It is a pretty horrible show, but it is mildly and mindlessly hilarious.

I just spent my week off in Corolla, quite possibly my most favorite place on the planet. Now I haven't exactly traveled far and wide to come to this conclusion, but I feel the most like my self and the least stressed out when I am there. And for that, nothing else will quite touch it. My sister is getting married there in September, and that is a great excuse for me to skip class for a week and go hang out some more. And James will actually be making his first appearance

Oh by the way, The Daily Show doesn't come on on Sunday nights. I don't know what I was thinking... except for the fact that I had to work today because Duke doesn't like Jesus, and I've been confused all day.

Anyway, James is coming to the beach with me for the first time, and I could not be more pumped. He will also be meeting my extended family (my dad has 5 brothers and sisters... making me have 15ish cousins, some of them are married with children, etc), which will be interesting to say the least.

I think weddings are pretty incredible things. Everything surrounding the event is just such an amazing way to celebrate the relationship that is about to be bonded and committed. I just think of all of the great things we have been and will be doing to get ready for Carrie's wedding, and what that day will hold in itself... giving everyone who loves Carrie and Jacob a chance to express that and support them in this major milestone of life.

And just because this can't all be a happy post, I'll just throw this in... Carrie and Jacob have been so excited over the past few months. Witnessing their relationship grow over the past few years and eeing them together makes me realize more about how important the ability to marry really is. Reading headlines about all of the gay marriage, civil unions, etc court cases over the past few days has really made me wonder how and why the government would want to attempt to regulate and restrict something as powerful as love.

I'm a failure

Well... at life I'm doing okay, but at anything that requires a consistent commitment, such as this blog, I'm a failure. So here's what I've been up to lately (mostly for Megan's summer procrastination pleasure):

Sometime between the end of May and early June, I became addicted to LOST. It's all Cameron's fault really. I managed to watch both seasons in nearly record time, and get caught up with what the heck is happening in the Lost Experience game. While I don't really play it myself, it's really fun to read up on everything that's happening.

My job at Duke has officially started, and it has been interesting to say the least. I've worked really long hours before (umm, Orientation), but this seems ridiculous for some reason to me because I am literally gone for nearly 12 hours each day, and 4ish on Saturday. The kids I'm dealing with really are pretty smart, but that really just makes them better at making excuses and doing things sneakily that they aren't supposed to be doing.

I feel like I'm gaining a lot of experience from all of this that will be helpful when I teach, but I'm having a hard time enjoying the process. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I hate that I'm enriching the lives of these kids who are all white, fairly well off, and a little arrogant because they've been told their whole lives that they're better/smarter than other people. Debating politics with them, especially issues such as affirmative action, welfare, and just the basic questions of what personal responsibility really means, absolutely drives me crazy. I mean, they're 14/15 years old, so I can't expect them to have incredibly rich and diverse life experiences to back up their views, but it honestly is too much for me to handle for 8 hours a day because I don't feel any of them really understand the privileged position they are in. They all pay quite a bit of money to even go to this program, and they make perfect examples for how much money and a parental push really affects students' performance. I just feel like I'm helping to worsen the inequalities in our educational system by working for a program that is somewhat notorious for being expensive and exclusive. I know that I'm there for a reason, and that these kids need love just as much as any others, but every day I'm really questioning why I'm spending my summer doing something that is handing me more frustrations than anything else.

Other than that, I've fallen into a fairly normal routine of watching crazy MTV reality televisions shows with Cameron. We get to debrief about everything that is going on, and sometimes I'm lucky enough to also see some of the amazing people I worked with last summer. A lot of them are sort of in a tough place this summer... and I am constantly thinking of them and hoping that things are going well.

I've also been enjoying watching Carolina baseball. Knowing several of the guys (at least being acquaintances with most of them) has made it really fun to see them put together this run that they've had during June. It's just so great for all of them, and I've been realizing how incredible Carolina athletics has been since I've been here. Last year, our football team went to a bowl game and we won the men's basketball national championship... this year, our girls' basketball team made it to the final four, and our baseball team is in the college world series. I really don't think anyone could ask for much more than that... Oh and next year we'll probably be amazing at all of those sports once again.

Senior year senior year senior year...

A 180... or something like that

Today I have nearly made a 180 compared to how I've been feeling lately about my summer thus far.

All I've really been doing is working at the Orientation office a bit, working out nearly every day, and trying to decide why in the world I stayed in Chapel Hill this summer. I've been here for two summers, and had two amazing experiences, but for the past month (almost) I have not had much to do... and I can't stand that. I haven't met anyone new to learn from. I haven't been challenged at work, and if anything working just makes me more completely frustrated about how the program has changed since it changed me.

My sister's getting married, but the place that we had reserved for the reception is no longer available, so everyone's really upset about that. My mom's best friend just found out that she has breast cancer, making my entire family really worried and concerned for her and just wishing that she didn't have to go through with all of that. My little sister has migraines a lot, and doesn't really get along with my grandmother... all of this making it not so fun to go home.

Since I'm into this pity party for a second... my boyfriend of a year and a half is hundreds of miles away, doing a job that he loves (thankfully), but he has no cell phone service. I've talked to him nearly every single day since our freshman year when we met, with the possible exception of last summer, and even then we did a better job of keeping up with each other. I have talked to him literally once in the past three weeks... and I don't know if that is because he's not really trying, or that he's just that busy... but since I'm really really not busy, it's just making me upset.

I wanted to be abroad this summer. Specifically in Jordan, but Cambodia, South Africa, or basically anywhere would have worked. However a couple of programs slipped through my fingers... and then my sister got engaged so I really didn't feel right about asking for $4-5,000 just for me to have an experience.

I think we all desperately want to know that we are important. Not only do we want to be important to a person or many people, but we want to know that the work we are doing is important. Right now, what I'm doing is a little important... but it doesn't really matter. Anyone else could pretty easily do it, if they have just an ounce of knowledge about the program. I also love love love to be in motion and to have each of my days full of things that need to be done. I know that when I start Duke TIP I'll at least feel a little more important because there will be much more room for personal interaction, and my days will be super long. But for now, this all just pretty much sucks.

Last night I just got sick of wishing away this summer. I made a list of goals to get me through this one last dead week... they pretty much include regular quiet time and working out, and afternoon in my hammock with a book, deep cleaning my room and bathroom, and a little art project.

Senior year lies ahead of me... and I can't even imagine what that is going to mean, but I'm really excited. I really need to value this time as well. My roommates and I have gotten to spend and enormous amount of time together compared to during the school year (we actually managed to watch season 1 of LOST in 1 weekend to catch up). A year from now... we won't all be together. While I feel extremely extremely bored right now... I need to try to understand the magnitude of this being my last summer with all of these girls.

It's 3AM and I wanna go to be-e-ed.

song lyrics.... anyone?

So the orientation office is crazy as usual, but it has provided me once again with a very clear picture of how I've changed since coming to Carolina.

If nothing else, talking to parents and new students on the phone is absolutely hilarious to me. Their fears are far too common, and I know that if I could replay their conversations to them a year from now, they'd be laughing too. Parents love a good personal story, especially about your own orientation experience, while they relay to you why their child needs this or that or to be "squeezed in" to a session because of their own life stories. They're starting to vary their questions slightly, moving from questions about registering for orientation to the orientation itself or other various topics about college.

These few moments help me to stop and reflect about what I was like the summer before I was a freshman. Now it's summer before senior year (yeah, I just said it), and it's been fun looking back a bit to see the full picture as of now.

My favorite story (with a few embellishments of course) to relay to nervous parents is how well my roommate situation turned out freshman year. I give them lines such as, "I went pot-luck, and have now lived with this girl for 3 years. Next summer, I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding with one of our suitemates from freshman year. And the best thing is, my story isn't all that unique."

Well, I obviously have no idea how many potluck roommates from freshman year end up like this, but just to relay that bit of hope is oh-so-helpful. The truth is, I think my story is completely unique because it is out of my random roommate freshman year and our suitemates that most of my close friends derive from (and consequently, my boyfriend). We ordered some bridesmaid dresses tonight, and the couple hours (early morning hours) spent with my roommates reminds me of how very blessed I am to have them in my life.

My other close friends derive directly from working with the orientation office, bringing the pondering full circle. This can also be described as none other than a random chance... me literally seeing a flyer and thinking that it might be cool. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I want senior year to feel just like that... and end up better than I could imagine.

We try so hard to predict our lives, or try so hard not to, and to go with the flow. It's funny how things don't work out. It's also funny how they do.

In limbo.

Summer is here... sort of.

So apparently I can't get a handle on this whole blog thing unless I actually have a lot going on. I will try harder.

Right now, I'm working for the Office of New Student Programs as an office assistant... biding my time before starting my real job. I feel like I'm in limbo, just living day to day and being more excited about the future than I am about this moment. I keep thinking... everything will be super fun in just a couple weeks. I just have to get through this somewhat boring phase, and then summer will really begin.

I realized today that if i keep telling myself, I'm cutting out about three weeks of summer that could be amazing personally and randomly. I thought this summer may be a semi-adventure with a new job and several new friends, but now I'm thinking it may be a lot more about me personally. My last couple of summers in Chapel Hill have been fantastic, but I was surrounded by people the entire time. These were definitely people I loved, and we had an insane amount of fun. I learned a lot about the world and myself as a leader. However, I haven't really just taken a few weeks to rediscover who I am and reflect on who I have become since college began.

I think these next couple weeks will provide me the perfect opportunity to do just that. I'm still pumped about working with Duke TIP when the time comes, but even then I wouldn't be devastated if it ended up just being a cool job and not a life-changing experience. I've been blessed with a lot of those. I think I need a little help with recognizing what a blessing a summer can be that may not be life-changing.

We'll see. Things are almost never what I expect them to be, because God has a much better idea of how to use me and what makes up a great life.

My Skills...

Mom always told me that I should be a lawyer because I could argue with a post. As a political science and history double major, arguing a point has been very useful. It is essential to create and develop a very clear argument, while still having an understanding of what opposition you may face.

Arguing is definitely a skill. But, not all skills are good (such as being a good liar...). I have recently rediscovered that my particular technique of arguing does not need to be used within personal relationships.

Apparently, recently pointed out by James, I am incredibly good at driving home a point. However, this usually comes at the expense of listening to someone else's point, or undercutting their argument, or interrupting, or just manipulating any situation to fit my argument. Now, I'm incredibly sweet most of the time (haha... I am!), but I also really like to be right.

The problem with all of this, other than the unhealthy benefits of being able to manipulate most anything, is that I don't contain this skill to academics or mere political debate. I also don't use them on just anyone, because I constantly assess what's going on to make sure everyone is comfortable. This leaves the people that are closest to me to bear the brunt of my need to make a point. I put my blinders on, and stop considering how what I'm saying will really affect them.

Obviously, this is not good. While it's good to discuss something and see where other people are coming from, this style of conversation needs to happen with me no matter who I am with. It's really not very fair or useful for me to argue in the way that I'm use to or good at. The care that I take with other random people's feelings needs to apply to everyone in my life, not just those I am trying to get to know better, etc.

This is something I really really need to consider and be aware of, and essentially stop doing in personal relationships. I love personal growth, but I don't necessarily like working on things that are wrong with me. I know that this is an incredible contradiction, and probably another thing that I need to work on... haha.

However, let's just take this stuff one thing at a time...

Nicknames

So I was planning on making this space just a space for me to be eloquent and come to amazing conclusions... but that is going out the window for at least this posting.

When I was little... I really really really wanted a nickname. I called Carrie (my older sister) Bubba, because I couldn't say 'sister.' It just sort of ended up sticking. Now I still call my little sister 'Missy-lou,' although I have no idea why. My parents actually called me 'Emikins,' and I still don't know why.

But I wanted a really cool nickname from my really cool friends. It's probably partially because Emily is such a common and pretty much boring name. Even if someone wanted to call me 'Emmie' or 'Em,' usually some other girl already had that as her nickname.

I still think nicknames are a very very cool thing. Names are somewhat personalized, although with the whole Freakonomics study and the craze in baby-naming books, websites, etc, I'm not so sure how much they really truly mean to a person. Parents don't necessarily use the naming process as a time to express individuality (well... most parents). But nicknames are entirely spontaneous and deeply personal. They form because of some crazy event or connection between a couple people, and continue until you have no idea why they started. They actually represent something, or they don't represent anything, and that's why they're fun and fabulous.

I have acquired a few random nicknames throughout high school and college. Justin Parks dubbed me 'Liz' because he thought my middle name was Elizabeth for a long time. This is probably because Julie, Beth, and I convinced him that it was... but whatever. For as long as I can remember Ben has called me 'Emiliii,' although I'm not really sure where that one came from. Boyfriends have called me various things, some I will not mention, but Charlie called me 'Pinky' for a while, and I obviously liked that one.

For now, Lindsey ('Loubird') definitely calls me 'Em,' but in a way that is not boring... mostly in a loud and excited-to-see-me tone. Kareemah calls me 'Shimmer,' either for my love of shimmer lotion or my love of shimmy-ing in the cabaret. Nick Harper still calls me 'Em-Bag-star,' and that makes me smile because it's highly ridiculous.

It takes a certain kind of relationship with a person and spontaneity to develop nicknames, and I think that is absolutely fabulous. I think nicknames are incredibly useful and incredibly fun, and random ones should be used often and always.

And time is on your side

its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around,
No it's no cause for concern
~coldplay

Clearly, for some reason, this is how I always feel during exams. It's some kind of reverse pressure. Freshman year, at least first semester, I was a little more freaked out. But by now, I know that I always get things done and that this semester won't be any different.

I have a lot to do this week... I mean a lot. I could have helped myself out by doing some work early during last week, or at least this weekend. Instead, I read a 700 page book for fun (I am Charlotte Simmons) last week, spent each night lingering after my various meetings to talk to people, shopped with my mom on Friday, and basically did anything I wanted to all weekend.

I did get a little stressed when I realized today was Monday, but now I'm feeling great. I'm glad that I've learned to be at peace about this, even when it's completely my fault for not getting things done early.

I enjoy exam time. It really has a way of bringing people together, and random things inevitably happen. I'm a little more than excited to see what these next couple weeks bring.

I love incoming freshmen...

This comes as no surprise to those of you who really know me. But I love freshmen. I love everything about the freshman experience. And I love to be the one to try to explain the awesomeness of this place and calm all of the fears that every freshman has. I love being the one with the answers and sharing them with those who are so desperate to know everything. That's why I've devoted two summers (and a couple years actually) of my life to freshman orientation, week of welcome, etc.

Last night I got to relive a bit of my orientation leader experience yet again. A girl who went to high school with Lindsey spent the night with us last night. Her name is Emily, and she'll be a freshman in the fall. I look at her and instantly remember how I felt three years ago, just before high school graduation. She seemed excited, but I know that half of that is because you know you're supposed to seem excited. The number one thing she's worried about is her roommate. I think of what a fiasco all of that was summer before my freshman year, but how amazing my roommate situation ended up being. Lindsey and I relayed a few horror stories and how to get out of a roommate you don't like, but mostly I got to tell her my story, of randomly rooming with a girl from CTOPS. I'm now going to be in her wedding next summer, along with a girl from our suite freshman year that we still live with. And the thing about it is that our story is not really uncommon.

I love the look of relief that washes over someone's face when you just talk to them about how great it's really going to be. Emily has no idea what is in store for her for the next four years. Change is incredibly hard, but as I've gotten older (haha now the mature age of 20), I've realized how necessary it is and how amazing it can be. I think of myself three years ago, and pretty much laugh at her. At what I believed, at my fears, and at my own plan for college. God has taken me an incredible distance from where I thought I wanted to be. And he has certainly blessed me in that. I've seen that a little more this weekend, spending two great nights with two incredibly different groups of people. Both have taught me so much... the group that I thought I would be comfortable with a few years ago, and the group that I may not have ever known if it weren't for the crazy path God decided to take me on. I'm glad I never really fought it. Because he knows a heck of a lot more than I do about what's best for me.

Hopefully knowing that will make it easier not to fight it in the future. We have one mere week left of class, and then college as I know it will definitely change. Yes, I will be a senior (craziness... pure craziness), but mostly, some of my closest friends will be miles and miles away. I can't wait to have a real reunion with those people, after they've been gone for a while, and see what God has done in their lives. But for right now, I'm just not sure I'm ready for them to be gone from my every day life.

I adore outgoing seniors...

Ithuteng

Settle in.

Oprah is amazing. I think that pretty much goes without saying, but it's serious. I cry probably weekly because of what she's doing in the world. This is just a little from her website about what her show was about today:

"On May 15, 2004, 11-year-old honor student Hallie Geier got ready to take her dog for an afternoon walk. Just as she stepped into the street in front of her house, she was hit and killed by a car... During the last year of her life she had been saving... to help children affected by AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa. With Hallie's savings, along with contributions to the Love, Hallie Foundation, [her parents] donated $10,000 to Oprah's Angel Network.

Oprah told the Geier family she would personally see that Hallie's money would be put to good use.

Oprah found the perfect place for Hallie's money when she traveled to South Africa—Kids Haven, a residential shelter for abused and abandoned children outside Johannesburg. The home takes in extremely traumatized children, many of whom have left their families because of severe abuse. Many of the girls have been victims of rape."

So of course the Oprah's Angel Network kicks in some cash and boom... they completely furnish, decorate, and redo the dorms at this shelter.

A young girl in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped than she does of learning to read (stat straight from the show).

Now the kicker... when Oprah shows the girls the rooms, she says, "Redoing your room is only a symbol of what we believe is possible for your lives. We wanted to give you a beautiful room because you are beautiful girls and we know you will do beautiful things."

Okay... tears... then one of the girls responds, "Precious pearls and diamonds cannot live up to the gift we got today. Even the gift of gold cannot life up to it, because that gift is money and this gift is love."

Oprah is changing the world. She lives within her means, but she also gives within her means. Oprah is doing a job that she absolutely loves, and is using that career as a catalyst for change. I've been struggling lately with what I want to do for my life because I have so many passions, and I want to do something big. I will never be able to finance the enormous material changes that Oprah can finance (well never is a strong word... but probably not). But, material changes are always secondary to the words and actions that empower and challenge and love people.

I have no idea where I am going to end up. But I do know that I want to strive to do it with love.

"We don't yet see things clearly... But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly."
~1 Corinthians 13:12-13 (the message translation)

At the request of Ms. Deluca

So I'm not really sure how all of this works, and I definitely don't know where I want to go with it. I do know that it's several days before exams, and that I should be rational enough not to start another form of procrastination right now. I also know that I am highly irrational when it comes to how I spend my time... at least it may appear that way to some. So, because I think it's a good idea at this moment, I am starting this now.

I was just contemplating the things I really love because a meeting was cancelled, and I actually have most of the afternoon with not a ton to do. A short list of these would include: random deep conversations, the ocean, late night adventures, oprah, reading the new york times, quotes, the opportunities that Carolina (and everyone who goes here) has introduced, law & order: svu, text messaging, changing the world, talking about politics, hello kitty, the great hall lobby...

Most people say they love something if they like it a lot. I truly truly LOVE these things... haha. If I get to do any of them or come into contact with any of them throughout the day, it makes my day and I consider myself blessed. Fortunately today many of these things have happened. It also happens to be a Wednesday, which for this semester means I was lucky enough to eat lunch with two of my favorite people, Nick & Cameron. Rick was with us today too, so it was pretty much a party. We are all very different, but close in a random, this-could-only-happen-under-amazing-circumstances way. They have taught me very different things, some about the world, some about myself, and some random and ridiculous information as well.

My theme lately has been "I really feel sorry for...." and I substitute the ... for things like "anyone who doesn't go to Carolina" (yall know what I'm trying to say) or "anyone who doesn't get excited over little things." Right now I really feel sorry for anyone who doesn't know Nick, Cameron, Rick... and obviously several other people that I love... including Ms. Megan DeLuca, without which I would have never gotten sucked into this whole blog thing.