Yesterday I got to work on time... I know, it's very shocking. I'm ususally about 10-15 minutes late, but yesterday I decided to make a concerted effort to be there on time. I'm going to try to continue to do this every day. I'm not sure what exactly I will do with my extra 10-15 minutes, but I'm committing to doing something each day during that time for someone else. It could be working a little harder on my lesson plan to engage my students, running an errand for another teacher, sending an email to a friend who needs some support, or cleaning my room a little for the custodian.
Yesterday and today Obama has been working on the second economic stimulus package. He met with congressional leaders of both parties to determine what needs to be done to get it passed. He's also starting a daily economic briefing just like the daily national security meeting that it already in place.
Today I have decided I will spend part of every week catching up with friends over the phone who I don't get to see. Now this is somewhat selfish, because it definitely serves me as well. However, I want to catch up with people who really are having a bit of a difficult time. Earlier today I talked to my friend Michael O. He has had a fairly rough time over the past few months. He graduated from Carolina last spring, but he's now taking a few prerequisite classes so he can go to graduate school for genetic counseling. During this time, he's taking care of his grandmother who has Alzheimers. He's really helping his family out because they do not have to pay someone else to do it or try to put her in a nursing home. He cares deeply for her, but it is almost shattering him to be there with her as she deteriorates. I need to do a better job of being there for him throughout this process. So today, we talked about the LOST premeire and made plans for when we could see each other again to renew each other.
Although much of what we can do to bring change to America requires sacrifice and responsibility, some of it just requires being more present in our own lives. So, I will jump start each work day by actively doing something for someone else, and I will keep track of my friends who need some support each week.
Eventually I want to write about how these small changes are affecting me and changing me as well, but for now this space is just for my promises to help renew America.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
admire the consistency
Day 2... and I'm still doing this thing. I tend to have really fun ideas, get really excited about them, and then forget to follow through on the details. So, I'm glad that I'm still trying to consciously think about specific things I can do right now to help realize Obama's (and our) vision for America.
Today, Barack signed an executive order to close Guantanamo Bay within the next year. This will be tricky, but again, this ambitious and constitutionally focused agenda is very refreshing.
All day I was not sure what I was going to do to help change America. I was stressing out over it because many things seemed like a cop-out or just not something sustainable in the long run. James and I went to dinner at Five Guys (I'm not even going to pretend that it's remotely good for you... we'll tackle that eventually). I was getting the napkins and ketchup, and I immediately thought of something. I decided to get back to doing something that I started to do a long time ago. We unintentionally create a lot of waste during the day, and some of it can be avoided if we just think about what we are doing. A couple years ago I saw an Oprah show about decreasing your carbon footprint. A lady discussed how many napkins we use a day (about 6) and how much we could change the environment if everyone just stopped using one of those napkins a day. It seems simple, but I mindlessly grab a handful of napkins any time I go out to eat. I also constantly use paper towels or clorox wipes instead of cleaner and a scrubbing cloth. So today, and hopefully from now on, I want to think about and limit the amount of napkins I use.
So at Five Guys, after I grabbed a handful of napkins, I just used two (the food is very tasty, but very greasy). I put some back in the napkin holder and took a few home to use later. Again, this is nothing groundbreaking, but just think of what could happen if everyone began to seriously consider how many napkins they are using. So today, like yesterday, I pledge to be more conscious of my consumption.
Today, Barack signed an executive order to close Guantanamo Bay within the next year. This will be tricky, but again, this ambitious and constitutionally focused agenda is very refreshing.
All day I was not sure what I was going to do to help change America. I was stressing out over it because many things seemed like a cop-out or just not something sustainable in the long run. James and I went to dinner at Five Guys (I'm not even going to pretend that it's remotely good for you... we'll tackle that eventually). I was getting the napkins and ketchup, and I immediately thought of something. I decided to get back to doing something that I started to do a long time ago. We unintentionally create a lot of waste during the day, and some of it can be avoided if we just think about what we are doing. A couple years ago I saw an Oprah show about decreasing your carbon footprint. A lady discussed how many napkins we use a day (about 6) and how much we could change the environment if everyone just stopped using one of those napkins a day. It seems simple, but I mindlessly grab a handful of napkins any time I go out to eat. I also constantly use paper towels or clorox wipes instead of cleaner and a scrubbing cloth. So today, and hopefully from now on, I want to think about and limit the amount of napkins I use.
So at Five Guys, after I grabbed a handful of napkins, I just used two (the food is very tasty, but very greasy). I put some back in the napkin holder and took a few home to use later. Again, this is nothing groundbreaking, but just think of what could happen if everyone began to seriously consider how many napkins they are using. So today, like yesterday, I pledge to be more conscious of my consumption.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
day one
Since I don't really need this for school anymore, and I can't remember my password for emily-faith.blogspot.com (because the last time I posted there was Nov 6, 2006), I'm going to publish a bit here for a while.
Today is the first day of Obama's administration, and if you read my last post on emily-faith.blogspot.com, I've been waiting for this for over two years. Going to the inauguration is the absolute best thing I have ever done. Oprah keeps saying that Washington is vibrating, and she's not kidding. The entire city seemed so much more vibrant and alive than it did when I was there for a month this summer. People were shouting Obama's name from the top of tour buses, staring at the capitol with tears in their eyes, and singing "Lean on Me" on the metro. People all around are not just talking about what Obama will do for them, but how he has changed and inspired them. With CHANGE being the major theme, it's refreshing that people seem to understand that his call is for us to take control and be part of the change that he will work to bring.
CNN is doing a special on Obama's first 100 days... probably trying desperately to hang onto the viewers they had over the last few days. Today, Obama froze salaries of staffers making over $100,000 dollars a year and issued ethics rules restricting lobbyists and creating more transparency in government.
I almost hate the focus of the first 100 days because of its limited time frame and its blatent reference to FDR (and it is ridiculous... obviously CNN will report on the president's actions after that). However, the focus on the first 100 days provides a good challenge to the American people as well. Obama and Biden have promised to work tirelessly every day for our country... but what are we all doing? Right now, I'm watching Oprah on DVR and getting excited about Carolina v. Clemson and the LOST premeire tonight. There's nothing wrong with that, but I have exactly decided how I'm going to be part of all of this change. All of us, all 300 million, need to be actively considering how to incorporate change into our lives. We need to be more conscious of our decisions and how they impact our world.
So, for the next 100 days, I will pick something to do that will help bring change. It does not have to be something huge, but it does have to be something. Today I unplugged my cell phone charger after it charged last night. Although it will be a slight annoyance to plug it back in every night, doing this will decrease my consumption of energy.
Today is the first day of Obama's administration, and if you read my last post on emily-faith.blogspot.com, I've been waiting for this for over two years. Going to the inauguration is the absolute best thing I have ever done. Oprah keeps saying that Washington is vibrating, and she's not kidding. The entire city seemed so much more vibrant and alive than it did when I was there for a month this summer. People were shouting Obama's name from the top of tour buses, staring at the capitol with tears in their eyes, and singing "Lean on Me" on the metro. People all around are not just talking about what Obama will do for them, but how he has changed and inspired them. With CHANGE being the major theme, it's refreshing that people seem to understand that his call is for us to take control and be part of the change that he will work to bring.
CNN is doing a special on Obama's first 100 days... probably trying desperately to hang onto the viewers they had over the last few days. Today, Obama froze salaries of staffers making over $100,000 dollars a year and issued ethics rules restricting lobbyists and creating more transparency in government.
I almost hate the focus of the first 100 days because of its limited time frame and its blatent reference to FDR (and it is ridiculous... obviously CNN will report on the president's actions after that). However, the focus on the first 100 days provides a good challenge to the American people as well. Obama and Biden have promised to work tirelessly every day for our country... but what are we all doing? Right now, I'm watching Oprah on DVR and getting excited about Carolina v. Clemson and the LOST premeire tonight. There's nothing wrong with that, but I have exactly decided how I'm going to be part of all of this change. All of us, all 300 million, need to be actively considering how to incorporate change into our lives. We need to be more conscious of our decisions and how they impact our world.
So, for the next 100 days, I will pick something to do that will help bring change. It does not have to be something huge, but it does have to be something. Today I unplugged my cell phone charger after it charged last night. Although it will be a slight annoyance to plug it back in every night, doing this will decrease my consumption of energy.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Digital Primary Sources
I really did not realize how many great sites there are online for digital primary sources. Analyzing primary sources are an important part of learning what it means to be a historian. We barely focused on primary sources when I was in high school. Even when we did, the rationale was to prepare for the DBQ on the AP exam. During college, I was suddenly forced to analyze primary sources and construct meaning from them, with very little practice. Primary sources are such a huge part of history, and they can really connect with students on a different level than textbooks and other secondary sources. Using these sources has become easier than ever because they are in digital format. Each of the sites we have explored offers a great variety, so we can be sure not to present a bias picture of history. They also are mostly very user-friendly and search-able.
If nothing else, as a teacher I can access them myself and teach students methods of extracting meaning and incorporating them into the secondary information they already know and have studied. Even if I teach in a school where there is minimal technology, I can bring most of these resources such as photos, political cartoons, music, and newspaper articles to my students for us to use in class. Hopefully, with technological innovation and improving situations in schools, I can even scaffold students to find and piece together these sources themselves. Using primary sources promotes creativity and requires analysis, and these skills are important. It may take a little more planning and effort, but I hope the integration of digital primary sources in my classroom will move past the limited use of occasional special projects and into daily meaningful integration of content and technology.
If nothing else, as a teacher I can access them myself and teach students methods of extracting meaning and incorporating them into the secondary information they already know and have studied. Even if I teach in a school where there is minimal technology, I can bring most of these resources such as photos, political cartoons, music, and newspaper articles to my students for us to use in class. Hopefully, with technological innovation and improving situations in schools, I can even scaffold students to find and piece together these sources themselves. Using primary sources promotes creativity and requires analysis, and these skills are important. It may take a little more planning and effort, but I hope the integration of digital primary sources in my classroom will move past the limited use of occasional special projects and into daily meaningful integration of content and technology.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Classroom Culture
A tolerant classroom can be difficult to achieve, but if created in the first few weeks of school, it can be invaluable to your success as a teacher. It seems critically necessary, especially in a social studies classroom, as we will be exploring controversial issues with the chance for things to get messy. Differing opinions can be exciting and could really aid class discussion, so they should be encouraged. I want my classroom to be a place where students feel comfortable answering questions and offering their opinions. This is a bit of a teacher's dream, especially for high school students. However, I think it can be created by developing a no tolerance policy for bullying, making fun of people, and general disrespect of other students and myself. This policy must be communicated from the first day. In the beginning, this may cause a rush of discipline issues, but I think if the students know the rules and know that I will enforce them, they will quickly learn that intolerant behavior is not accepted. Working on these things immediately should actually save time for content later in the school year.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Let's revist why we're doing this...
Throughout my college career, I knew that I would be an educator because of my promise as a North Carolina Teaching Fellow. However, as an undergraduate at UNC, I had a myriad of diverse experiences, some of which challenged me to re-examine the reasons why I want to teach. When asked that question during my Teaching Fellow interview, I said I wanted to make a difference. My college experience opened up my eyes as to how many different ways there are to help people.
My passion lies in leadership development, which led me to the Department of Student Affairs and my work with orientation and Carolina Leadership Development. I wrestled with the idea of pursuing a career in higher education administration. However, I realized that what I love about Student Affairs is not the field itself, but how the experiences and training I had helped me reach my full potential as a leader. When teaching high school, I will have the opportunity to incorporate my knowledge of leadership development and my love of the social studies content area into my classroom to help students realize their potential as leaders. I also want to continue to work for education being a great equalizer for economically disadvantaged students, because our democracy depends on equal opportunities.
Social Studies is so encompassing that it is almost overwhelming. My father instilled his interest in United States history in me at an early age, literally through bedtime stories of Sacajawea and Davy Crockett and family trips to Kitty Hawk, Manteo, and Williamsburg. Teaching is the one place where I can combine my hobbies of learning about politics and history while changing students' lives, with a challenging environment that is ever-changing. I am passionate about teaching social studies because I believe that students can simultaneously experience personal and academic growth, ultimately becoming well-informed citizens by understanding the mistakes and triumphs of our past. It is a flexible discipline that enables us to examine governments, cultures, and ourselves. The study of citizenship, leadership, and democracy can empower our students while teaching them that in a democracy, their participation (and they, themselves!) is inherently important.
In working as a teaching assistant in the Duke University Talent Identification Program last summer on Duke's East Campus, I rediscovered my passion for teaching. In addition to being in the classroom daily, I taught a one hour evening session for four days a week to academically gifted high school students. TIP is definitely not a normal classroom experience, because each of the students come into the classroom excited about the subject matter, and usually they genuinely want to be there and be involved. Actually, they paid to be there and chose among a variety of classes before considering Revolutions and Terrorism. The instructor and I expressed very high expectations of our students, but we also truly believed they could reach those expectations. The students thrived in that environment, many expressing excitement that the material challenged them academically for the first time. I have done a bit of research on the relationship between gender, class, and race in education, and I cannot help but hope that children of all ability levels, economic statuses, races, and genders can thrive in a classroom under the correct supportive conditions.
These experiences will no doubt affect how I will teach, but I am not sure to what extent they will yet. Personal development and skills such as writing, reading, and public speaking, are almost as important to me as content (but please don't tell NCLB). My belief in the worth of every person as a leader will help me try to reach and teach every student. I think the two most important qualities to have as a Social Studies teacher are creativity and an ability to think broadly. Creativity in lessons and assessment is critical to combat the boredom that some people immediately assume will occur in a history class. Creativity can help keep students interested with fresh approaches to standard material. A broad outlook is also extremely important. I had few teachers that could provide context for anything in history or civics, much less connect it to where our class had been and where we were going. Social Studies is a lucky discipline to be a part of because everything seems connected to everything else. It is critical that we teach our students how to discover those connections and their own.
My passion lies in leadership development, which led me to the Department of Student Affairs and my work with orientation and Carolina Leadership Development. I wrestled with the idea of pursuing a career in higher education administration. However, I realized that what I love about Student Affairs is not the field itself, but how the experiences and training I had helped me reach my full potential as a leader. When teaching high school, I will have the opportunity to incorporate my knowledge of leadership development and my love of the social studies content area into my classroom to help students realize their potential as leaders. I also want to continue to work for education being a great equalizer for economically disadvantaged students, because our democracy depends on equal opportunities.
Social Studies is so encompassing that it is almost overwhelming. My father instilled his interest in United States history in me at an early age, literally through bedtime stories of Sacajawea and Davy Crockett and family trips to Kitty Hawk, Manteo, and Williamsburg. Teaching is the one place where I can combine my hobbies of learning about politics and history while changing students' lives, with a challenging environment that is ever-changing. I am passionate about teaching social studies because I believe that students can simultaneously experience personal and academic growth, ultimately becoming well-informed citizens by understanding the mistakes and triumphs of our past. It is a flexible discipline that enables us to examine governments, cultures, and ourselves. The study of citizenship, leadership, and democracy can empower our students while teaching them that in a democracy, their participation (and they, themselves!) is inherently important.
In working as a teaching assistant in the Duke University Talent Identification Program last summer on Duke's East Campus, I rediscovered my passion for teaching. In addition to being in the classroom daily, I taught a one hour evening session for four days a week to academically gifted high school students. TIP is definitely not a normal classroom experience, because each of the students come into the classroom excited about the subject matter, and usually they genuinely want to be there and be involved. Actually, they paid to be there and chose among a variety of classes before considering Revolutions and Terrorism. The instructor and I expressed very high expectations of our students, but we also truly believed they could reach those expectations. The students thrived in that environment, many expressing excitement that the material challenged them academically for the first time. I have done a bit of research on the relationship between gender, class, and race in education, and I cannot help but hope that children of all ability levels, economic statuses, races, and genders can thrive in a classroom under the correct supportive conditions.
These experiences will no doubt affect how I will teach, but I am not sure to what extent they will yet. Personal development and skills such as writing, reading, and public speaking, are almost as important to me as content (but please don't tell NCLB). My belief in the worth of every person as a leader will help me try to reach and teach every student. I think the two most important qualities to have as a Social Studies teacher are creativity and an ability to think broadly. Creativity in lessons and assessment is critical to combat the boredom that some people immediately assume will occur in a history class. Creativity can help keep students interested with fresh approaches to standard material. A broad outlook is also extremely important. I had few teachers that could provide context for anything in history or civics, much less connect it to where our class had been and where we were going. Social Studies is a lucky discipline to be a part of because everything seems connected to everything else. It is critical that we teach our students how to discover those connections and their own.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Monday, November 6, 2006
things will go your way, hold on for one more day
Midterm elections tomorrow.
Most people are predicting the Democrats gaining control of the House (they need at least 15 seats), and some are also optimistic about a gain in the Senate (Dems need at least 6 seats).
That's all well and exciting, but I'm mostly pumped about the fact that after tomorrow, people will begin to announce their intentions to run for the Presidency in 2008.
I read Barack Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father, this past summer, and I was shocked at how honest he was. Granted, he wrote it in 1994, a full 10 years before he was elected to the Senate. However, in subscribing to his podcast recently and almost finishing The Audacity of Hope, his second book, I am fully on the Obama bandwagon. In fact, I feel like I'm driving it because I'm so pumped.
I know he's young... I know he's inexperienced... but he's such a breath of fresh air. He seeing listening to both side as important and champions the art of compromise. Some people are suggesting that doing those things will make him appear weak, but I think the average American (if there is such a thing) won't see it that way. And I in fact, think it's genious. Everyone whose taken an entry-level political science course knows that to win, you must run against the predecessor. By actually taking others' opinions and intelligence into account, and perhaps considering them fully, Barack is not necessarily changing his own positions, but he is respecting the art of a democracy. And he's also posing himself to run as a candidate that is nearly the opposite of what we're used to in the Bush White House.
His father is Kenyan. His mother is from Kansas. He grew up in Hawaii and spent a couple years in India when his mother remarried.
And when I see him speak in campaigning for Democratic candidates, whether live on C-SPAN or on YouTube, when I read what he has written, and when I listen to his podcast... I cry because of the hope that he has for America. I cry because his ideas and policies are thoughtful, and I believe prayerfully considered. I cry because this is a candidate that I could actually be excited about.
I know it's premature... but if he runs and is given a chance by winning the Democratic primaries...
I think it's meant to be that my first semester teaching history may be a turning point in American history, where we first elect a Black president and start to see real, positive change in all of our lives.
Most people are predicting the Democrats gaining control of the House (they need at least 15 seats), and some are also optimistic about a gain in the Senate (Dems need at least 6 seats).
That's all well and exciting, but I'm mostly pumped about the fact that after tomorrow, people will begin to announce their intentions to run for the Presidency in 2008.
I read Barack Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father, this past summer, and I was shocked at how honest he was. Granted, he wrote it in 1994, a full 10 years before he was elected to the Senate. However, in subscribing to his podcast recently and almost finishing The Audacity of Hope, his second book, I am fully on the Obama bandwagon. In fact, I feel like I'm driving it because I'm so pumped.
I know he's young... I know he's inexperienced... but he's such a breath of fresh air. He seeing listening to both side as important and champions the art of compromise. Some people are suggesting that doing those things will make him appear weak, but I think the average American (if there is such a thing) won't see it that way. And I in fact, think it's genious. Everyone whose taken an entry-level political science course knows that to win, you must run against the predecessor. By actually taking others' opinions and intelligence into account, and perhaps considering them fully, Barack is not necessarily changing his own positions, but he is respecting the art of a democracy. And he's also posing himself to run as a candidate that is nearly the opposite of what we're used to in the Bush White House.
His father is Kenyan. His mother is from Kansas. He grew up in Hawaii and spent a couple years in India when his mother remarried.
And when I see him speak in campaigning for Democratic candidates, whether live on C-SPAN or on YouTube, when I read what he has written, and when I listen to his podcast... I cry because of the hope that he has for America. I cry because his ideas and policies are thoughtful, and I believe prayerfully considered. I cry because this is a candidate that I could actually be excited about.
I know it's premature... but if he runs and is given a chance by winning the Democratic primaries...
I think it's meant to be that my first semester teaching history may be a turning point in American history, where we first elect a Black president and start to see real, positive change in all of our lives.
Sunday, November 5, 2006
leave no doubt, i want the whole world to know just what i'm all about...
Why would you ever be a Christian, because people inevitably lump you into the same category with people like Pat Robertson and Bush?"
This is some paraphrase of an essentially rhetorical question that a kid at TIP scholars weekend threw out there during the class I was TA-ing on the 2006 midterm elections. The students were involved in group discussions on different House races, and the question probably wasn't meant to be heard... at least not to anyone outside of the group.
I hate the fact that those are the only greatly publicized pictures of Christians that a 15 year old kid can come up with when explaining why he's a Deist.
People have a great desire to be loved, to feel love, and to love one another. That can sometimes be hard to see with all of the brokenness and anger around us... While I understand that it's that conviction that makes someone pro-life, it can be that same conviction, interpreted in a different way, that makes calls someone to support stem cell research.
Christianity, and how people interpret it, is extremely complex. Some people do in fact assume certain things to be true when you call yourself a Christian. Unfortunately, one of those things isn't necessarily that you are trying to imitate a the life of Christ, or at least understand his teachings and his call to a greater purpose to love and care for all people.
For all people. For people who aren't so different from yourself. For people whose sins are not unlike my sins and whose struggles are not unlike my struggles. And none of us are deserving of the grace that God extends to us through Christ, but God extends it to all of us, just the same, no matter what we've done. We all need the love and grace of God because we are all of this secular world, not above it in a position to judge the people in it.
Barack Obama discusses the historically black church's impact on his life by describing that it, "rarely had the luxury of separating individual salvation from collective salvation... It understood in an intimate way the biblical call to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and challenge powers and principalities. In the history of these struggles, I was able to see faith as more than just a comfort to the weary or a hedge against death; rather, it was an active, palpable agent in the world."
The emotions of love and personal responsibility to all people can be incredibly powerful, and I don't think that as Christians we've really known how to fully tap into that. I need to be more convicted of that... so that people who have not known God can still feel the effects of God's love.
And perhaps to challenge the perceptions that being a Christian is likened to Pat Robertson
This is some paraphrase of an essentially rhetorical question that a kid at TIP scholars weekend threw out there during the class I was TA-ing on the 2006 midterm elections. The students were involved in group discussions on different House races, and the question probably wasn't meant to be heard... at least not to anyone outside of the group.
I hate the fact that those are the only greatly publicized pictures of Christians that a 15 year old kid can come up with when explaining why he's a Deist.
People have a great desire to be loved, to feel love, and to love one another. That can sometimes be hard to see with all of the brokenness and anger around us... While I understand that it's that conviction that makes someone pro-life, it can be that same conviction, interpreted in a different way, that makes calls someone to support stem cell research.
Christianity, and how people interpret it, is extremely complex. Some people do in fact assume certain things to be true when you call yourself a Christian. Unfortunately, one of those things isn't necessarily that you are trying to imitate a the life of Christ, or at least understand his teachings and his call to a greater purpose to love and care for all people.
For all people. For people who aren't so different from yourself. For people whose sins are not unlike my sins and whose struggles are not unlike my struggles. And none of us are deserving of the grace that God extends to us through Christ, but God extends it to all of us, just the same, no matter what we've done. We all need the love and grace of God because we are all of this secular world, not above it in a position to judge the people in it.
Barack Obama discusses the historically black church's impact on his life by describing that it, "rarely had the luxury of separating individual salvation from collective salvation... It understood in an intimate way the biblical call to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and challenge powers and principalities. In the history of these struggles, I was able to see faith as more than just a comfort to the weary or a hedge against death; rather, it was an active, palpable agent in the world."
The emotions of love and personal responsibility to all people can be incredibly powerful, and I don't think that as Christians we've really known how to fully tap into that. I need to be more convicted of that... so that people who have not known God can still feel the effects of God's love.
And perhaps to challenge the perceptions that being a Christian is likened to Pat Robertson
Monday, August 28, 2006
hair blowing in the breeze, yo we superstars
..think analytically about society... question the way things are... consider how things could be different. Such thinking involves an active, not a passive, relationship to the world. It requires confidence that your thoughts are worth persuing and that you can make a difference. And it demands looking beyond how to make do and into how to make "making do" different - how to change the structures that control our lives.
~Charlotte Bunch
That's just a little bit of my reading for my feminism political theory class. I feel that it is going to be fantastic.
I have never thought about the wording of having an active relationship to the world, but I love that phrase. I like to think that I do a decent job of doing that, but now that I have a tangible way to say it, I can encourage myself to have a more active relationship to the world every day. This summer left me a bit paralyzed at times... and for some reason, some days I did not even care to have a relationship with the world around me... much less an active one. I just didn't appreciate where I was and that God put me there for a reason. While I was forced to sit down and examine myself, which ultimately is obviously a good and necessary thing, I hated it as it was going on.
These past few weeks have been crazy, and I have been loving it. I need to figure out how to have an "active relationship" to the world even without that constant movement.
I also need an international experience... immediately. I'm feeling a little more than stagnant having been in Chapel Hill for three full years (summers too yall... seriously). I love this place, but I have to get out of here if I'm going to learn more about myself and my relationships to people and the Lord. And if I'm going to learn more about how to love more fully, every single day.
Megan will flip because of my recent (haha 2 day stretch) blogging consistency.
~Charlotte Bunch
That's just a little bit of my reading for my feminism political theory class. I feel that it is going to be fantastic.
I have never thought about the wording of having an active relationship to the world, but I love that phrase. I like to think that I do a decent job of doing that, but now that I have a tangible way to say it, I can encourage myself to have a more active relationship to the world every day. This summer left me a bit paralyzed at times... and for some reason, some days I did not even care to have a relationship with the world around me... much less an active one. I just didn't appreciate where I was and that God put me there for a reason. While I was forced to sit down and examine myself, which ultimately is obviously a good and necessary thing, I hated it as it was going on.
These past few weeks have been crazy, and I have been loving it. I need to figure out how to have an "active relationship" to the world even without that constant movement.
I also need an international experience... immediately. I'm feeling a little more than stagnant having been in Chapel Hill for three full years (summers too yall... seriously). I love this place, but I have to get out of here if I'm going to learn more about myself and my relationships to people and the Lord. And if I'm going to learn more about how to love more fully, every single day.
Megan will flip because of my recent (haha 2 day stretch) blogging consistency.
would you lie with me and just forget the world
All of the responsibility I have on Mondays thus far is a dance class.
That's seriously it... and it is absolutely fabulous. This Monday I have a little bit more going on, just because of papers and such, but still... I'm feeling fabulous.
WOW is over. That rocks my world.
all is well
That's seriously it... and it is absolutely fabulous. This Monday I have a little bit more going on, just because of papers and such, but still... I'm feeling fabulous.
WOW is over. That rocks my world.
all is well
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Don't you know, things will change
Carrie's bachelorette party.
The first time I've actually hung out with my sister while she was drunk. That part was quite entertaining. What was not very fun was her getting upset, me getting pulled by a couple cops on the way back (who ended up being super nice), and realizing that friends will disappoint you at all stages of life.
To make a long story short, her friends mostly didn't make the event very special for her. Basically it seemed more like we were all going out than we were going out specifically to celebrate Carrie.
While I hate that the night ended up being a small disaster as a result of selfishness on the part of some of her friends, it ended up bringing Carrie and I closer together than before. And for that I'm actually thankful. We ended up leaving Saturday night to drive back to Chapel Hill (at 4am... got here around 7am). Carrie and I haven't been alone for that long in a while...
She's getting married. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal, but it's huge! Granted, it will be more huge when she starts to have kids and things... but Carrie and I won't really be alone much ever again. Mom and I really can't just run to Charlotte to spend the night with her... because there will be a boy spending every night with her. In six weeks our lives will change drastically forever. That's craziness!
This whole wedding planning stuff is happening much differently that I anticipated when we were little kids. I'm not able to help out as much because I'm here and my work schedule has been crazy. Plus, since Carrie is pretty casual about all of this... there's not much to plan. I mean, it's on the beach, so there are virtually no decorations... not even many flowers.
I just can't wait to be standing there in the getting-ready room alone with her on that day. I get to stand beside her when she makes one of the biggest moves of her life... and I'm excited.
The first time I've actually hung out with my sister while she was drunk. That part was quite entertaining. What was not very fun was her getting upset, me getting pulled by a couple cops on the way back (who ended up being super nice), and realizing that friends will disappoint you at all stages of life.
To make a long story short, her friends mostly didn't make the event very special for her. Basically it seemed more like we were all going out than we were going out specifically to celebrate Carrie.
While I hate that the night ended up being a small disaster as a result of selfishness on the part of some of her friends, it ended up bringing Carrie and I closer together than before. And for that I'm actually thankful. We ended up leaving Saturday night to drive back to Chapel Hill (at 4am... got here around 7am). Carrie and I haven't been alone for that long in a while...
She's getting married. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal, but it's huge! Granted, it will be more huge when she starts to have kids and things... but Carrie and I won't really be alone much ever again. Mom and I really can't just run to Charlotte to spend the night with her... because there will be a boy spending every night with her. In six weeks our lives will change drastically forever. That's craziness!
This whole wedding planning stuff is happening much differently that I anticipated when we were little kids. I'm not able to help out as much because I'm here and my work schedule has been crazy. Plus, since Carrie is pretty casual about all of this... there's not much to plan. I mean, it's on the beach, so there are virtually no decorations... not even many flowers.
I just can't wait to be standing there in the getting-ready room alone with her on that day. I get to stand beside her when she makes one of the biggest moves of her life... and I'm excited.
Friday, August 11, 2006
You don't want to see my tears, so why are you still standing here just watching me drown?
I'm slightly obsessed with The Wreckers right now... hence the title.
I think a lot.
Most of what I will remember about this summer will be what was going on in my head. I've had a lot more time to myself than usual, and as a result I've changed a fair amount. I realized today that that change cannot really be quantified. I can't pin down any exact memorable moment or remember how exactly all of this happened. What I do know is that I'm a different person than I was in May.
I've realized some of the ugly things about myself. I've always thought that loving every person fully is a pretty sure way to fulfilling God's will. That can be exhausting. It can be beautiful. And I definitely have not even attempted to do it with some people this summer. While God's will is very complex, and it cannot necessarily be reduced to just love, love definitely plays a powerful role.
I do a much better job of loving people who are different from me than loving people who are like me. This seems contradictory to what normally happens, but this is how it is with me. I find is so easy to overlook the faults of those who are drastically different from me in any way, whether through their appearance, sexual orientation, age, religion, etc. I have recognized this as a definite gift, and I truly feel alive when I spend my time loving these people fully.
But I have a very hard time attributing that same grace and love to those close to me that are similar to me. I recognize that everyone is extremely unique, and that it's hard to quantify exactly what I mean by people that are "similar" to me... but in my head I know exactly the groups that I am talking about. It's not that I blatantly choose not to love them, because that would go against my entire life philosophy... haha... but this summer I've really realized how much I suck at it. Admitting this is a step in the process of learning how to love these people fully as well, but I haven't been pushing myself past that step.
This summer has been slow, yet it feels really weird that it's almost over. Being essentially single for three months has made this process of self-realization even more inevitable. For that, I am thankful in some ways. I know a lot more about my issues, and what I need to work on (even if I'm not ready to work on them yet). I also know a lot more about the gifts that God has given me, and how to use those more effectively. I've never really seen the value of spending time by myself or specifically alone because I am so energized by people. I've always thought a lot, a whole lot actually, but mostly about others' situations, and how I can be more effective in their lives. This summer I've thought more about myself, and how I can be a more effective person over all. There is great value in spending time doing this, and that is something that I've slowly learned. I still would rather be debriefing about other people and helping others along with their own personal development, but I can no longer ignore the fact that part of my own personal growth has to come from within. I've learned so much during these past few years from other people, and I've had time along the way to internalize it and realize what it means for me. But this summer, instead of being part of an amazing group-journey type of experience, I've had to take more of a path of self-discovery. And it has definitely been interesting.
I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for all of this. I am thankful for all of the people in my life, and this year I want to push myself to express that more fully. This is the last year that I have in this place with these same people... even if I'm here for graduate school... it will never again feel like this. That's a bit scary, very crazy, but it presents me with a timeline... haha... and I work best under pressure. Every day presents me with another amazing chance, and after this summer that was significantly different than what I was use to, I know that I'm more equipped to seize this year's opportunity.
I think a lot.
Most of what I will remember about this summer will be what was going on in my head. I've had a lot more time to myself than usual, and as a result I've changed a fair amount. I realized today that that change cannot really be quantified. I can't pin down any exact memorable moment or remember how exactly all of this happened. What I do know is that I'm a different person than I was in May.
I've realized some of the ugly things about myself. I've always thought that loving every person fully is a pretty sure way to fulfilling God's will. That can be exhausting. It can be beautiful. And I definitely have not even attempted to do it with some people this summer. While God's will is very complex, and it cannot necessarily be reduced to just love, love definitely plays a powerful role.
I do a much better job of loving people who are different from me than loving people who are like me. This seems contradictory to what normally happens, but this is how it is with me. I find is so easy to overlook the faults of those who are drastically different from me in any way, whether through their appearance, sexual orientation, age, religion, etc. I have recognized this as a definite gift, and I truly feel alive when I spend my time loving these people fully.
But I have a very hard time attributing that same grace and love to those close to me that are similar to me. I recognize that everyone is extremely unique, and that it's hard to quantify exactly what I mean by people that are "similar" to me... but in my head I know exactly the groups that I am talking about. It's not that I blatantly choose not to love them, because that would go against my entire life philosophy... haha... but this summer I've really realized how much I suck at it. Admitting this is a step in the process of learning how to love these people fully as well, but I haven't been pushing myself past that step.
This summer has been slow, yet it feels really weird that it's almost over. Being essentially single for three months has made this process of self-realization even more inevitable. For that, I am thankful in some ways. I know a lot more about my issues, and what I need to work on (even if I'm not ready to work on them yet). I also know a lot more about the gifts that God has given me, and how to use those more effectively. I've never really seen the value of spending time by myself or specifically alone because I am so energized by people. I've always thought a lot, a whole lot actually, but mostly about others' situations, and how I can be more effective in their lives. This summer I've thought more about myself, and how I can be a more effective person over all. There is great value in spending time doing this, and that is something that I've slowly learned. I still would rather be debriefing about other people and helping others along with their own personal development, but I can no longer ignore the fact that part of my own personal growth has to come from within. I've learned so much during these past few years from other people, and I've had time along the way to internalize it and realize what it means for me. But this summer, instead of being part of an amazing group-journey type of experience, I've had to take more of a path of self-discovery. And it has definitely been interesting.
I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for all of this. I am thankful for all of the people in my life, and this year I want to push myself to express that more fully. This is the last year that I have in this place with these same people... even if I'm here for graduate school... it will never again feel like this. That's a bit scary, very crazy, but it presents me with a timeline... haha... and I work best under pressure. Every day presents me with another amazing chance, and after this summer that was significantly different than what I was use to, I know that I'm more equipped to seize this year's opportunity.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
Reno 911!
So I just turned on the TV waiting for The Daily Show to come on, and none other than Reno 911 was on. Now, this was not a show that I was even acquainted with until Vanessa's untwisting party last summer. It is a pretty horrible show, but it is mildly and mindlessly hilarious.
I just spent my week off in Corolla, quite possibly my most favorite place on the planet. Now I haven't exactly traveled far and wide to come to this conclusion, but I feel the most like my self and the least stressed out when I am there. And for that, nothing else will quite touch it. My sister is getting married there in September, and that is a great excuse for me to skip class for a week and go hang out some more. And James will actually be making his first appearance
Oh by the way, The Daily Show doesn't come on on Sunday nights. I don't know what I was thinking... except for the fact that I had to work today because Duke doesn't like Jesus, and I've been confused all day.
Anyway, James is coming to the beach with me for the first time, and I could not be more pumped. He will also be meeting my extended family (my dad has 5 brothers and sisters... making me have 15ish cousins, some of them are married with children, etc), which will be interesting to say the least.
I think weddings are pretty incredible things. Everything surrounding the event is just such an amazing way to celebrate the relationship that is about to be bonded and committed. I just think of all of the great things we have been and will be doing to get ready for Carrie's wedding, and what that day will hold in itself... giving everyone who loves Carrie and Jacob a chance to express that and support them in this major milestone of life.
And just because this can't all be a happy post, I'll just throw this in... Carrie and Jacob have been so excited over the past few months. Witnessing their relationship grow over the past few years and eeing them together makes me realize more about how important the ability to marry really is. Reading headlines about all of the gay marriage, civil unions, etc court cases over the past few days has really made me wonder how and why the government would want to attempt to regulate and restrict something as powerful as love.
I just spent my week off in Corolla, quite possibly my most favorite place on the planet. Now I haven't exactly traveled far and wide to come to this conclusion, but I feel the most like my self and the least stressed out when I am there. And for that, nothing else will quite touch it. My sister is getting married there in September, and that is a great excuse for me to skip class for a week and go hang out some more. And James will actually be making his first appearance
Oh by the way, The Daily Show doesn't come on on Sunday nights. I don't know what I was thinking... except for the fact that I had to work today because Duke doesn't like Jesus, and I've been confused all day.
Anyway, James is coming to the beach with me for the first time, and I could not be more pumped. He will also be meeting my extended family (my dad has 5 brothers and sisters... making me have 15ish cousins, some of them are married with children, etc), which will be interesting to say the least.
I think weddings are pretty incredible things. Everything surrounding the event is just such an amazing way to celebrate the relationship that is about to be bonded and committed. I just think of all of the great things we have been and will be doing to get ready for Carrie's wedding, and what that day will hold in itself... giving everyone who loves Carrie and Jacob a chance to express that and support them in this major milestone of life.
And just because this can't all be a happy post, I'll just throw this in... Carrie and Jacob have been so excited over the past few months. Witnessing their relationship grow over the past few years and eeing them together makes me realize more about how important the ability to marry really is. Reading headlines about all of the gay marriage, civil unions, etc court cases over the past few days has really made me wonder how and why the government would want to attempt to regulate and restrict something as powerful as love.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I'm a failure
Well... at life I'm doing okay, but at anything that requires a consistent commitment, such as this blog, I'm a failure. So here's what I've been up to lately (mostly for Megan's summer procrastination pleasure):
Sometime between the end of May and early June, I became addicted to LOST. It's all Cameron's fault really. I managed to watch both seasons in nearly record time, and get caught up with what the heck is happening in the Lost Experience game. While I don't really play it myself, it's really fun to read up on everything that's happening.
My job at Duke has officially started, and it has been interesting to say the least. I've worked really long hours before (umm, Orientation), but this seems ridiculous for some reason to me because I am literally gone for nearly 12 hours each day, and 4ish on Saturday. The kids I'm dealing with really are pretty smart, but that really just makes them better at making excuses and doing things sneakily that they aren't supposed to be doing.
I feel like I'm gaining a lot of experience from all of this that will be helpful when I teach, but I'm having a hard time enjoying the process. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I hate that I'm enriching the lives of these kids who are all white, fairly well off, and a little arrogant because they've been told their whole lives that they're better/smarter than other people. Debating politics with them, especially issues such as affirmative action, welfare, and just the basic questions of what personal responsibility really means, absolutely drives me crazy. I mean, they're 14/15 years old, so I can't expect them to have incredibly rich and diverse life experiences to back up their views, but it honestly is too much for me to handle for 8 hours a day because I don't feel any of them really understand the privileged position they are in. They all pay quite a bit of money to even go to this program, and they make perfect examples for how much money and a parental push really affects students' performance. I just feel like I'm helping to worsen the inequalities in our educational system by working for a program that is somewhat notorious for being expensive and exclusive. I know that I'm there for a reason, and that these kids need love just as much as any others, but every day I'm really questioning why I'm spending my summer doing something that is handing me more frustrations than anything else.
Other than that, I've fallen into a fairly normal routine of watching crazy MTV reality televisions shows with Cameron. We get to debrief about everything that is going on, and sometimes I'm lucky enough to also see some of the amazing people I worked with last summer. A lot of them are sort of in a tough place this summer... and I am constantly thinking of them and hoping that things are going well.
I've also been enjoying watching Carolina baseball. Knowing several of the guys (at least being acquaintances with most of them) has made it really fun to see them put together this run that they've had during June. It's just so great for all of them, and I've been realizing how incredible Carolina athletics has been since I've been here. Last year, our football team went to a bowl game and we won the men's basketball national championship... this year, our girls' basketball team made it to the final four, and our baseball team is in the college world series. I really don't think anyone could ask for much more than that... Oh and next year we'll probably be amazing at all of those sports once again.
Senior year senior year senior year...
Sometime between the end of May and early June, I became addicted to LOST. It's all Cameron's fault really. I managed to watch both seasons in nearly record time, and get caught up with what the heck is happening in the Lost Experience game. While I don't really play it myself, it's really fun to read up on everything that's happening.
My job at Duke has officially started, and it has been interesting to say the least. I've worked really long hours before (umm, Orientation), but this seems ridiculous for some reason to me because I am literally gone for nearly 12 hours each day, and 4ish on Saturday. The kids I'm dealing with really are pretty smart, but that really just makes them better at making excuses and doing things sneakily that they aren't supposed to be doing.
I feel like I'm gaining a lot of experience from all of this that will be helpful when I teach, but I'm having a hard time enjoying the process. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I hate that I'm enriching the lives of these kids who are all white, fairly well off, and a little arrogant because they've been told their whole lives that they're better/smarter than other people. Debating politics with them, especially issues such as affirmative action, welfare, and just the basic questions of what personal responsibility really means, absolutely drives me crazy. I mean, they're 14/15 years old, so I can't expect them to have incredibly rich and diverse life experiences to back up their views, but it honestly is too much for me to handle for 8 hours a day because I don't feel any of them really understand the privileged position they are in. They all pay quite a bit of money to even go to this program, and they make perfect examples for how much money and a parental push really affects students' performance. I just feel like I'm helping to worsen the inequalities in our educational system by working for a program that is somewhat notorious for being expensive and exclusive. I know that I'm there for a reason, and that these kids need love just as much as any others, but every day I'm really questioning why I'm spending my summer doing something that is handing me more frustrations than anything else.
Other than that, I've fallen into a fairly normal routine of watching crazy MTV reality televisions shows with Cameron. We get to debrief about everything that is going on, and sometimes I'm lucky enough to also see some of the amazing people I worked with last summer. A lot of them are sort of in a tough place this summer... and I am constantly thinking of them and hoping that things are going well.
I've also been enjoying watching Carolina baseball. Knowing several of the guys (at least being acquaintances with most of them) has made it really fun to see them put together this run that they've had during June. It's just so great for all of them, and I've been realizing how incredible Carolina athletics has been since I've been here. Last year, our football team went to a bowl game and we won the men's basketball national championship... this year, our girls' basketball team made it to the final four, and our baseball team is in the college world series. I really don't think anyone could ask for much more than that... Oh and next year we'll probably be amazing at all of those sports once again.
Senior year senior year senior year...
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
A 180... or something like that
Today I have nearly made a 180 compared to how I've been feeling lately about my summer thus far.
All I've really been doing is working at the Orientation office a bit, working out nearly every day, and trying to decide why in the world I stayed in Chapel Hill this summer. I've been here for two summers, and had two amazing experiences, but for the past month (almost) I have not had much to do... and I can't stand that. I haven't met anyone new to learn from. I haven't been challenged at work, and if anything working just makes me more completely frustrated about how the program has changed since it changed me.
My sister's getting married, but the place that we had reserved for the reception is no longer available, so everyone's really upset about that. My mom's best friend just found out that she has breast cancer, making my entire family really worried and concerned for her and just wishing that she didn't have to go through with all of that. My little sister has migraines a lot, and doesn't really get along with my grandmother... all of this making it not so fun to go home.
Since I'm into this pity party for a second... my boyfriend of a year and a half is hundreds of miles away, doing a job that he loves (thankfully), but he has no cell phone service. I've talked to him nearly every single day since our freshman year when we met, with the possible exception of last summer, and even then we did a better job of keeping up with each other. I have talked to him literally once in the past three weeks... and I don't know if that is because he's not really trying, or that he's just that busy... but since I'm really really not busy, it's just making me upset.
I wanted to be abroad this summer. Specifically in Jordan, but Cambodia, South Africa, or basically anywhere would have worked. However a couple of programs slipped through my fingers... and then my sister got engaged so I really didn't feel right about asking for $4-5,000 just for me to have an experience.
I think we all desperately want to know that we are important. Not only do we want to be important to a person or many people, but we want to know that the work we are doing is important. Right now, what I'm doing is a little important... but it doesn't really matter. Anyone else could pretty easily do it, if they have just an ounce of knowledge about the program. I also love love love to be in motion and to have each of my days full of things that need to be done. I know that when I start Duke TIP I'll at least feel a little more important because there will be much more room for personal interaction, and my days will be super long. But for now, this all just pretty much sucks.
Last night I just got sick of wishing away this summer. I made a list of goals to get me through this one last dead week... they pretty much include regular quiet time and working out, and afternoon in my hammock with a book, deep cleaning my room and bathroom, and a little art project.
Senior year lies ahead of me... and I can't even imagine what that is going to mean, but I'm really excited. I really need to value this time as well. My roommates and I have gotten to spend and enormous amount of time together compared to during the school year (we actually managed to watch season 1 of LOST in 1 weekend to catch up). A year from now... we won't all be together. While I feel extremely extremely bored right now... I need to try to understand the magnitude of this being my last summer with all of these girls.
All I've really been doing is working at the Orientation office a bit, working out nearly every day, and trying to decide why in the world I stayed in Chapel Hill this summer. I've been here for two summers, and had two amazing experiences, but for the past month (almost) I have not had much to do... and I can't stand that. I haven't met anyone new to learn from. I haven't been challenged at work, and if anything working just makes me more completely frustrated about how the program has changed since it changed me.
My sister's getting married, but the place that we had reserved for the reception is no longer available, so everyone's really upset about that. My mom's best friend just found out that she has breast cancer, making my entire family really worried and concerned for her and just wishing that she didn't have to go through with all of that. My little sister has migraines a lot, and doesn't really get along with my grandmother... all of this making it not so fun to go home.
Since I'm into this pity party for a second... my boyfriend of a year and a half is hundreds of miles away, doing a job that he loves (thankfully), but he has no cell phone service. I've talked to him nearly every single day since our freshman year when we met, with the possible exception of last summer, and even then we did a better job of keeping up with each other. I have talked to him literally once in the past three weeks... and I don't know if that is because he's not really trying, or that he's just that busy... but since I'm really really not busy, it's just making me upset.
I wanted to be abroad this summer. Specifically in Jordan, but Cambodia, South Africa, or basically anywhere would have worked. However a couple of programs slipped through my fingers... and then my sister got engaged so I really didn't feel right about asking for $4-5,000 just for me to have an experience.
I think we all desperately want to know that we are important. Not only do we want to be important to a person or many people, but we want to know that the work we are doing is important. Right now, what I'm doing is a little important... but it doesn't really matter. Anyone else could pretty easily do it, if they have just an ounce of knowledge about the program. I also love love love to be in motion and to have each of my days full of things that need to be done. I know that when I start Duke TIP I'll at least feel a little more important because there will be much more room for personal interaction, and my days will be super long. But for now, this all just pretty much sucks.
Last night I just got sick of wishing away this summer. I made a list of goals to get me through this one last dead week... they pretty much include regular quiet time and working out, and afternoon in my hammock with a book, deep cleaning my room and bathroom, and a little art project.
Senior year lies ahead of me... and I can't even imagine what that is going to mean, but I'm really excited. I really need to value this time as well. My roommates and I have gotten to spend and enormous amount of time together compared to during the school year (we actually managed to watch season 1 of LOST in 1 weekend to catch up). A year from now... we won't all be together. While I feel extremely extremely bored right now... I need to try to understand the magnitude of this being my last summer with all of these girls.
Friday, May 26, 2006
It's 3AM and I wanna go to be-e-ed.
song lyrics.... anyone?
So the orientation office is crazy as usual, but it has provided me once again with a very clear picture of how I've changed since coming to Carolina.
If nothing else, talking to parents and new students on the phone is absolutely hilarious to me. Their fears are far too common, and I know that if I could replay their conversations to them a year from now, they'd be laughing too. Parents love a good personal story, especially about your own orientation experience, while they relay to you why their child needs this or that or to be "squeezed in" to a session because of their own life stories. They're starting to vary their questions slightly, moving from questions about registering for orientation to the orientation itself or other various topics about college.
These few moments help me to stop and reflect about what I was like the summer before I was a freshman. Now it's summer before senior year (yeah, I just said it), and it's been fun looking back a bit to see the full picture as of now.
My favorite story (with a few embellishments of course) to relay to nervous parents is how well my roommate situation turned out freshman year. I give them lines such as, "I went pot-luck, and have now lived with this girl for 3 years. Next summer, I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding with one of our suitemates from freshman year. And the best thing is, my story isn't all that unique."
Well, I obviously have no idea how many potluck roommates from freshman year end up like this, but just to relay that bit of hope is oh-so-helpful. The truth is, I think my story is completely unique because it is out of my random roommate freshman year and our suitemates that most of my close friends derive from (and consequently, my boyfriend). We ordered some bridesmaid dresses tonight, and the couple hours (early morning hours) spent with my roommates reminds me of how very blessed I am to have them in my life.
My other close friends derive directly from working with the orientation office, bringing the pondering full circle. This can also be described as none other than a random chance... me literally seeing a flyer and thinking that it might be cool. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I want senior year to feel just like that... and end up better than I could imagine.
We try so hard to predict our lives, or try so hard not to, and to go with the flow. It's funny how things don't work out. It's also funny how they do.
So the orientation office is crazy as usual, but it has provided me once again with a very clear picture of how I've changed since coming to Carolina.
If nothing else, talking to parents and new students on the phone is absolutely hilarious to me. Their fears are far too common, and I know that if I could replay their conversations to them a year from now, they'd be laughing too. Parents love a good personal story, especially about your own orientation experience, while they relay to you why their child needs this or that or to be "squeezed in" to a session because of their own life stories. They're starting to vary their questions slightly, moving from questions about registering for orientation to the orientation itself or other various topics about college.
These few moments help me to stop and reflect about what I was like the summer before I was a freshman. Now it's summer before senior year (yeah, I just said it), and it's been fun looking back a bit to see the full picture as of now.
My favorite story (with a few embellishments of course) to relay to nervous parents is how well my roommate situation turned out freshman year. I give them lines such as, "I went pot-luck, and have now lived with this girl for 3 years. Next summer, I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding with one of our suitemates from freshman year. And the best thing is, my story isn't all that unique."
Well, I obviously have no idea how many potluck roommates from freshman year end up like this, but just to relay that bit of hope is oh-so-helpful. The truth is, I think my story is completely unique because it is out of my random roommate freshman year and our suitemates that most of my close friends derive from (and consequently, my boyfriend). We ordered some bridesmaid dresses tonight, and the couple hours (early morning hours) spent with my roommates reminds me of how very blessed I am to have them in my life.
My other close friends derive directly from working with the orientation office, bringing the pondering full circle. This can also be described as none other than a random chance... me literally seeing a flyer and thinking that it might be cool. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I want senior year to feel just like that... and end up better than I could imagine.
We try so hard to predict our lives, or try so hard not to, and to go with the flow. It's funny how things don't work out. It's also funny how they do.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
In limbo.
Summer is here... sort of.
So apparently I can't get a handle on this whole blog thing unless I actually have a lot going on. I will try harder.
Right now, I'm working for the Office of New Student Programs as an office assistant... biding my time before starting my real job. I feel like I'm in limbo, just living day to day and being more excited about the future than I am about this moment. I keep thinking... everything will be super fun in just a couple weeks. I just have to get through this somewhat boring phase, and then summer will really begin.
I realized today that if i keep telling myself, I'm cutting out about three weeks of summer that could be amazing personally and randomly. I thought this summer may be a semi-adventure with a new job and several new friends, but now I'm thinking it may be a lot more about me personally. My last couple of summers in Chapel Hill have been fantastic, but I was surrounded by people the entire time. These were definitely people I loved, and we had an insane amount of fun. I learned a lot about the world and myself as a leader. However, I haven't really just taken a few weeks to rediscover who I am and reflect on who I have become since college began.
I think these next couple weeks will provide me the perfect opportunity to do just that. I'm still pumped about working with Duke TIP when the time comes, but even then I wouldn't be devastated if it ended up just being a cool job and not a life-changing experience. I've been blessed with a lot of those. I think I need a little help with recognizing what a blessing a summer can be that may not be life-changing.
We'll see. Things are almost never what I expect them to be, because God has a much better idea of how to use me and what makes up a great life.
So apparently I can't get a handle on this whole blog thing unless I actually have a lot going on. I will try harder.
Right now, I'm working for the Office of New Student Programs as an office assistant... biding my time before starting my real job. I feel like I'm in limbo, just living day to day and being more excited about the future than I am about this moment. I keep thinking... everything will be super fun in just a couple weeks. I just have to get through this somewhat boring phase, and then summer will really begin.
I realized today that if i keep telling myself, I'm cutting out about three weeks of summer that could be amazing personally and randomly. I thought this summer may be a semi-adventure with a new job and several new friends, but now I'm thinking it may be a lot more about me personally. My last couple of summers in Chapel Hill have been fantastic, but I was surrounded by people the entire time. These were definitely people I loved, and we had an insane amount of fun. I learned a lot about the world and myself as a leader. However, I haven't really just taken a few weeks to rediscover who I am and reflect on who I have become since college began.
I think these next couple weeks will provide me the perfect opportunity to do just that. I'm still pumped about working with Duke TIP when the time comes, but even then I wouldn't be devastated if it ended up just being a cool job and not a life-changing experience. I've been blessed with a lot of those. I think I need a little help with recognizing what a blessing a summer can be that may not be life-changing.
We'll see. Things are almost never what I expect them to be, because God has a much better idea of how to use me and what makes up a great life.
Friday, April 28, 2006
My Skills...
Mom always told me that I should be a lawyer because I could argue with a post. As a political science and history double major, arguing a point has been very useful. It is essential to create and develop a very clear argument, while still having an understanding of what opposition you may face.
Arguing is definitely a skill. But, not all skills are good (such as being a good liar...). I have recently rediscovered that my particular technique of arguing does not need to be used within personal relationships.
Apparently, recently pointed out by James, I am incredibly good at driving home a point. However, this usually comes at the expense of listening to someone else's point, or undercutting their argument, or interrupting, or just manipulating any situation to fit my argument. Now, I'm incredibly sweet most of the time (haha... I am!), but I also really like to be right.
The problem with all of this, other than the unhealthy benefits of being able to manipulate most anything, is that I don't contain this skill to academics or mere political debate. I also don't use them on just anyone, because I constantly assess what's going on to make sure everyone is comfortable. This leaves the people that are closest to me to bear the brunt of my need to make a point. I put my blinders on, and stop considering how what I'm saying will really affect them.
Obviously, this is not good. While it's good to discuss something and see where other people are coming from, this style of conversation needs to happen with me no matter who I am with. It's really not very fair or useful for me to argue in the way that I'm use to or good at. The care that I take with other random people's feelings needs to apply to everyone in my life, not just those I am trying to get to know better, etc.
This is something I really really need to consider and be aware of, and essentially stop doing in personal relationships. I love personal growth, but I don't necessarily like working on things that are wrong with me. I know that this is an incredible contradiction, and probably another thing that I need to work on... haha.
However, let's just take this stuff one thing at a time...
Arguing is definitely a skill. But, not all skills are good (such as being a good liar...). I have recently rediscovered that my particular technique of arguing does not need to be used within personal relationships.
Apparently, recently pointed out by James, I am incredibly good at driving home a point. However, this usually comes at the expense of listening to someone else's point, or undercutting their argument, or interrupting, or just manipulating any situation to fit my argument. Now, I'm incredibly sweet most of the time (haha... I am!), but I also really like to be right.
The problem with all of this, other than the unhealthy benefits of being able to manipulate most anything, is that I don't contain this skill to academics or mere political debate. I also don't use them on just anyone, because I constantly assess what's going on to make sure everyone is comfortable. This leaves the people that are closest to me to bear the brunt of my need to make a point. I put my blinders on, and stop considering how what I'm saying will really affect them.
Obviously, this is not good. While it's good to discuss something and see where other people are coming from, this style of conversation needs to happen with me no matter who I am with. It's really not very fair or useful for me to argue in the way that I'm use to or good at. The care that I take with other random people's feelings needs to apply to everyone in my life, not just those I am trying to get to know better, etc.
This is something I really really need to consider and be aware of, and essentially stop doing in personal relationships. I love personal growth, but I don't necessarily like working on things that are wrong with me. I know that this is an incredible contradiction, and probably another thing that I need to work on... haha.
However, let's just take this stuff one thing at a time...
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Nicknames
So I was planning on making this space just a space for me to be eloquent and come to amazing conclusions... but that is going out the window for at least this posting.
When I was little... I really really really wanted a nickname. I called Carrie (my older sister) Bubba, because I couldn't say 'sister.' It just sort of ended up sticking. Now I still call my little sister 'Missy-lou,' although I have no idea why. My parents actually called me 'Emikins,' and I still don't know why.
But I wanted a really cool nickname from my really cool friends. It's probably partially because Emily is such a common and pretty much boring name. Even if someone wanted to call me 'Emmie' or 'Em,' usually some other girl already had that as her nickname.
I still think nicknames are a very very cool thing. Names are somewhat personalized, although with the whole Freakonomics study and the craze in baby-naming books, websites, etc, I'm not so sure how much they really truly mean to a person. Parents don't necessarily use the naming process as a time to express individuality (well... most parents). But nicknames are entirely spontaneous and deeply personal. They form because of some crazy event or connection between a couple people, and continue until you have no idea why they started. They actually represent something, or they don't represent anything, and that's why they're fun and fabulous.
I have acquired a few random nicknames throughout high school and college. Justin Parks dubbed me 'Liz' because he thought my middle name was Elizabeth for a long time. This is probably because Julie, Beth, and I convinced him that it was... but whatever. For as long as I can remember Ben has called me 'Emiliii,' although I'm not really sure where that one came from. Boyfriends have called me various things, some I will not mention, but Charlie called me 'Pinky' for a while, and I obviously liked that one.
For now, Lindsey ('Loubird') definitely calls me 'Em,' but in a way that is not boring... mostly in a loud and excited-to-see-me tone. Kareemah calls me 'Shimmer,' either for my love of shimmer lotion or my love of shimmy-ing in the cabaret. Nick Harper still calls me 'Em-Bag-star,' and that makes me smile because it's highly ridiculous.
It takes a certain kind of relationship with a person and spontaneity to develop nicknames, and I think that is absolutely fabulous. I think nicknames are incredibly useful and incredibly fun, and random ones should be used often and always.
When I was little... I really really really wanted a nickname. I called Carrie (my older sister) Bubba, because I couldn't say 'sister.' It just sort of ended up sticking. Now I still call my little sister 'Missy-lou,' although I have no idea why. My parents actually called me 'Emikins,' and I still don't know why.
But I wanted a really cool nickname from my really cool friends. It's probably partially because Emily is such a common and pretty much boring name. Even if someone wanted to call me 'Emmie' or 'Em,' usually some other girl already had that as her nickname.
I still think nicknames are a very very cool thing. Names are somewhat personalized, although with the whole Freakonomics study and the craze in baby-naming books, websites, etc, I'm not so sure how much they really truly mean to a person. Parents don't necessarily use the naming process as a time to express individuality (well... most parents). But nicknames are entirely spontaneous and deeply personal. They form because of some crazy event or connection between a couple people, and continue until you have no idea why they started. They actually represent something, or they don't represent anything, and that's why they're fun and fabulous.
I have acquired a few random nicknames throughout high school and college. Justin Parks dubbed me 'Liz' because he thought my middle name was Elizabeth for a long time. This is probably because Julie, Beth, and I convinced him that it was... but whatever. For as long as I can remember Ben has called me 'Emiliii,' although I'm not really sure where that one came from. Boyfriends have called me various things, some I will not mention, but Charlie called me 'Pinky' for a while, and I obviously liked that one.
For now, Lindsey ('Loubird') definitely calls me 'Em,' but in a way that is not boring... mostly in a loud and excited-to-see-me tone. Kareemah calls me 'Shimmer,' either for my love of shimmer lotion or my love of shimmy-ing in the cabaret. Nick Harper still calls me 'Em-Bag-star,' and that makes me smile because it's highly ridiculous.
It takes a certain kind of relationship with a person and spontaneity to develop nicknames, and I think that is absolutely fabulous. I think nicknames are incredibly useful and incredibly fun, and random ones should be used often and always.
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